This made me cry. I discovered my husband started an affair during my second (very difficult) pregnancy with someone I considered a friend. I am now seeing a kind and lovely man but have been completely rocked by irrational jealousy towards his female friendships. It is something I’ve never experienced before and I feel destabilised and ashamed by this new part of myself. Thank you Philippa for providing some much needed clarity and compassion around what jealousy really is and how to live with it x
Oh, this rethinking of jealousy in terms of doubting one’s own self-worth as remnants of childhood insecurities and instabilities really moved me. And your encouragement to pause and consider if this feeling arrives from ‘then’ or ‘now’ is such great practical advice, also for many other feelings and situations! Thank you, Philippa!
I have only ever felt jealously in one of my relationships. “Jealously says, I’m afraid.” That is perfect. It was exactly that. Avoidant people will do that to you.
Great question and great reply. I think jealousy can also be a prompt: to unconditionally know, then accept, and then love ourselves, including the messy bits, the ugly bits, the glorious bits.
I feel like jealousy and deep shame can go together when sibling rivalry isn’t managed very well. Wanting something and not knowing how to get it, or understanding why you can’t have it is really tough.
This made me cry. I discovered my husband started an affair during my second (very difficult) pregnancy with someone I considered a friend. I am now seeing a kind and lovely man but have been completely rocked by irrational jealousy towards his female friendships. It is something I’ve never experienced before and I feel destabilised and ashamed by this new part of myself. Thank you Philippa for providing some much needed clarity and compassion around what jealousy really is and how to live with it x
Yes, don’t be ashamed. Thank you for your valuable contribution.
I appreciate that you point out that jealousy doesn’t have to go hand in hand with control.
Such a compassionate understanding of that green‐eyed monster.
Oh, this rethinking of jealousy in terms of doubting one’s own self-worth as remnants of childhood insecurities and instabilities really moved me. And your encouragement to pause and consider if this feeling arrives from ‘then’ or ‘now’ is such great practical advice, also for many other feelings and situations! Thank you, Philippa!
I agree. I hate my jealousy. But it's reassuring and destigmatising to be shown that jealousy is a byproduct of being human.
I have only ever felt jealously in one of my relationships. “Jealously says, I’m afraid.” That is perfect. It was exactly that. Avoidant people will do that to you.
Great question and great reply. I think jealousy can also be a prompt: to unconditionally know, then accept, and then love ourselves, including the messy bits, the ugly bits, the glorious bits.
I feel like jealousy and deep shame can go together when sibling rivalry isn’t managed very well. Wanting something and not knowing how to get it, or understanding why you can’t have it is really tough.
You mentioned it was going to be worth reading… it absolutely was! Everyone needs to have this understanding of jealousy. It’s so helpful. Thank you 💚
Félicitations! Congratulations. A great idea to get married!
This is so very profound.