“You do not have to take each thought and turn it into a story. Visualise them as balloons that you are holding and then let them go.” These two sentences hit me like a blinding light hitting- thank you!
I read a comment about intrusive thoughts that said ‘when I feel one I mentally shout ‘Guards!’
As someone who has felt full body cringes at my own choices and behaviour at uni I can say being compassionate to my past self is hugely helpful. I did most things because I lacked the capacity to stand back and consider what was in my own best interests because I was young and learning about people. Just as they were when relating to me.
Having teenagers who are facing uni can also bring it back.
That is so much better than 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' which people often cite when really they mean that you've survived it and learned from it.
Crikey yes, I certainly didn’t feel stronger! I felt bitter, stupid, embarrassed, sad, lost, isolated and weak. Until I moved those things aside for other feelings, mainly as I got older and more self-forgiving.
I too found this very wise and also helpful in dealing with my own hindsight issue. There are some ideas about thinking in there I can really work with! Also would really like to congratulate your bravery and conviction in walking away from a work situation that no longer served you. Hope you get loads of subscribers and many more people find you x
I used to be quite hard on my younger self for not handling things as well as my mature self might have liked. Watching my own children grow up eased a lot of that regret. Seeing them navigate ages 16, 20, 24, etc. I often thought, “Well of course they didn’t do that perfectly, it’s the first time they ever tried!” I figured I deserved as much sympathy and grace as I was giving them, and my hindsight critic lightened up considerably. Your letter writer might realize the same through her teenagers.
Possibly my favourite response of yours to date. I’ve mentally filed away some of your lines to use with clients when needed, I especially loved But knowing and being able to act are not the same. Younger you could not do what you could do now. That is not failure, it is a record of growth”. Great work, thank you!
The writer's experience resonates with me. Be kind to yourself... you are doing your best. Just as your younger self once did. Maybe she would thank you for giving her the opportunity to feel life and love so freely. And perhaps it is because of her that you can have the life and love you share with your husband and children? That's the narrative I take for myself.
‘Thoughts are not facts’. A perfect mantra. Repeat, repeat. Thank you Phillipa.
Oofff if only we could hold onto this every day. Our thoughts are not always our friends. The woman who wrote in sounds like someone I’d like as a friend. 🩵
“You do not have to take each thought and turn it into a story. Visualise them as balloons that you are holding and then let them go.” These two sentences hit me like a blinding light hitting- thank you!
Thank YOU
I read a comment about intrusive thoughts that said ‘when I feel one I mentally shout ‘Guards!’
As someone who has felt full body cringes at my own choices and behaviour at uni I can say being compassionate to my past self is hugely helpful. I did most things because I lacked the capacity to stand back and consider what was in my own best interests because I was young and learning about people. Just as they were when relating to me.
Having teenagers who are facing uni can also bring it back.
I’d be so different it if I did it now…
But because you did it how you did it, you’ve learnt what does and doesn’t work. It’s all an education, it wasn’t wasted.
That is so much better than 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' which people often cite when really they mean that you've survived it and learned from it.
Crikey yes, I certainly didn’t feel stronger! I felt bitter, stupid, embarrassed, sad, lost, isolated and weak. Until I moved those things aside for other feelings, mainly as I got older and more self-forgiving.
So wise and so moving to read. So much delicate care in your words. So glad you’re here Philippa!
Thanks Natasha
So used to instability that disfunction felt like safety - you are very wise. ❤️
I was about to quote the very same sentence. It will, I hope, help me understand my own terrible (past) relationships.
I too found this very wise and also helpful in dealing with my own hindsight issue. There are some ideas about thinking in there I can really work with! Also would really like to congratulate your bravery and conviction in walking away from a work situation that no longer served you. Hope you get loads of subscribers and many more people find you x
Thank you so much. Please spread the word.
So wise and full of grace. Love this response. 🤩🫶🏻
I used to be quite hard on my younger self for not handling things as well as my mature self might have liked. Watching my own children grow up eased a lot of that regret. Seeing them navigate ages 16, 20, 24, etc. I often thought, “Well of course they didn’t do that perfectly, it’s the first time they ever tried!” I figured I deserved as much sympathy and grace as I was giving them, and my hindsight critic lightened up considerably. Your letter writer might realize the same through her teenagers.
'Hindsight is an illusion'....so much wisdom in this, a lovely read.
Possibly my favourite response of yours to date. I’ve mentally filed away some of your lines to use with clients when needed, I especially loved But knowing and being able to act are not the same. Younger you could not do what you could do now. That is not failure, it is a record of growth”. Great work, thank you!
The writer's experience resonates with me. Be kind to yourself... you are doing your best. Just as your younger self once did. Maybe she would thank you for giving her the opportunity to feel life and love so freely. And perhaps it is because of her that you can have the life and love you share with your husband and children? That's the narrative I take for myself.
‘Thoughts are not facts’. A perfect mantra. Repeat, repeat. Thank you Phillipa.
Oofff if only we could hold onto this every day. Our thoughts are not always our friends. The woman who wrote in sounds like someone I’d like as a friend. 🩵
Brilliant advice👏🏻
I’ve only just subscribed so I’m late to the party on this thread but the subject and comments have reminded me of this poem…
Love after Love
By Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread, Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Reconnecting with mutual friends of me and my ex partner this weekend dragged up a lot of feelings for me, this was a helpful read ❤️