I want an open relationship
How do I tell my partner?
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Dear Philippa,
My partner and I have been together for two years, and recently moved in together. It’s the first time I’ve moved in with a partner, and I’m really happy and thankful to be with someone who I love and who makes me feel safe and cared for, and who I care for.
However, I also think that our sex life, and my feeling of desire and of being desired, has taken a nosedive. Sex has felt like a burden for a while, like something I should do -- I often find advances difficult to deal with and a little invasive, which I think more to do with me than my partner.
I also feel like I dont want this to be all of my sexual life -- I do still have crushes on other people (someone at work for example, which is entirely in my head, and sexual, not something I would want to replace what I already have). I find the thought I can’t act on similar feelings ever again depressing. I do love my partner, and I think I’d like to consider an open relationship. I feel that exploring my sexuality outside the relationship might help my feelings about sex inside the relationship, and that the safety I feel with them would help me to be more exploratory outside.
I have two worries: one is that I’m being duplicitous, and actually just trying to get the best of both worlds, or dealing with an insecurity I have about commitment by trying to escape half-heartedly. The other is how to bring this up in a way that isn’t hurtful. I don’t what it to seem like my partner isn’t enough, but also I can’t help thinking this is something I need to do.
Do you have any advice?
My reply (and their response to my reply)
