I Hate My Job

Is this self-sabotage?

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Dear Philippa,

I’m wondering whether there are signs that help you see if a desire for a big life change comes from a position of self-sabotage.

I worked really hard and spent years and years of my life getting into my current job (as a uni lecturer.) Getting this job was something that was crucial to my sense of self-worth and I was devastated and disappointed in myself for the long period before landing it when I was under- and precariously employed.

Aristoteles giving a lecture in front of his students (miniature illustration, Italian, 2nd half of the fourteenth century

But since starting the job nearly 5 years ago I have been very unhappy. I resent and dread parts of it. I have become disengaged from bits of the job that I have enjoyed in the past. I do not see any appeal at all in managing the day-to-day operations of a department or university unit. I feel stressed by colleagues’ busy-ness and expectations. I think about other jobs and long for a manageable and viable route into one.

What I cannot shake is the idea that I am sabotaging myself. How can I have wanted something so strongly and, now that I have it, want to leave it so strongly? Family and friends are often surprised that I want to leave knowing how hard I worked and fixated I was. I have found the job more difficult than I expected and I wonder if my response to having been challenged is to want to just run away. I wonder if some sense of myself (as a capable, confident, intelligent person?) has been dented and I am just fleeing from that. Would a more mature response be to stay and face these challenges by figuring out a way to make the job work?

It is a stable job. There are on paper plenty of opportunities that it offers. So is it just self-sabotage to want to give these things up?

I’m curious about whether there is an obvious way to untangle what’s going on for me, or whether it’s a recognised response to getting what you want? How can you tell if you just don’t like something that you thought you really would or if your feelings are an instance of you standing in your own way?

Really grateful for any insight you might have

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